I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
