Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
