i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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