Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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