her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
