Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
