My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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