Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
