just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize