Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
