He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
