Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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