he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
