drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
