do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
not ubering you a puppy
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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