I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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