I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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