Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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