uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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