Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
