I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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