It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
