Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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