i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
COCAINE IS GR8
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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