When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
