I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
