Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
