Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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