Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
