cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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