you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
