Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
