I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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