Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize