Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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