dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
