I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize