I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
