we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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