Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
