Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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