there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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