dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
