Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
