I think i peed on brittanys purse
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
