He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There r osticjed everywhere
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
