guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
