the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
