Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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