My first STD was from a foam party
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
