Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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