woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
