My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
