from now on my penis is your penis
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
