she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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