i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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