his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
