we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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