Do you still have your period?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
