if you like me you must not know who I am
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
