I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
