If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
farters have to be the big spoon...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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