can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
