Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
