are you still at the devil's house?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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