Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
