i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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